We are blessed, dear readers, for we live in what is undoubtedly the golden age of television.
Breaking Bad.
House of Cards.
The Walking Dead.
True Detective.
Two and a Half Men.
Well, ok. Fine. We live in a slightly tarnished age of television that on the whole is probably the same derivative trite we’ve been consuming for years but actually has a few stellar gems that were previously unheard of. Happy now?
Still. There are those among us who are not satisfied with the treasure-trove of quality, serialized fiction before us – insidious lurkers hiding in the shadows waiting for the ideal moment to rob us of this rare hour of televised luster and destroy any momentary joy we might experience.
I am, of course, talking about people who have read the Game of Thrones novels.
Don’t get me wrong – I love reading. I am voracious when it comes to books. My nightstand is never without a dog-eared novel. In full disclosure, were George R. R. Martin not inarguably the longest-winded writer to ever walk the Earth, I too would probably be counted among the fans of his books. Alas, he is, and I am not. Mercifully. Bullet, dodged.
If there’s one thing that I love more than reading, though, it’s spending my Sunday nights watching “Game of Thrones.”
And thus I am stuck in my own insufferable hell of loving a quality television show and having to put up with a newsfeed filled with scum and villainy who seemingly have no other purpose in life than to ruin all of my fun.
“Oh! You thought that was great? Just wait until you see what happens at Castle Black!”
“I agree – such a great scene. But were you paying attention to where Tyrion’s hands were resting on the table!?”
Or, the most infuriating of all, “Honestly, IMHO, that scene was handled so much better in the book. You’re missing out on so much subtext.”
These people are the worst. It’s not that they have advanced knowledge of events yet-to-pass or some greater insight into characters than you, it’s the smugness with which they let you know that they have advanced knowledge of events yet-to-pass or some greater insight into characters than you.
You were hoping for a point to this blog post? Sorry – no such luck here. Delucchi Plus is foolish enough to give me a mouthpiece on the internet so I intend to use it to vent and be angry and cling the tiniest sliver of hope that maybe somebody out there will read this and think, “Yeah, those guys are the worst.”
Maybe I’m just a dreamer, though. Like Ned Stark before me, I’m a hopeless idealist not fit for the cruel realities of the world around me.
Sadly, in the Game of Thrones – you either win, or you die.
… Or you stubbornly refuse to read the books for no discernable reason and childishly pick fights with tertiary Facebook friends on the Internet then write a somewhat angry blog post about it. That sometimes happens too.
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